Showing posts with label general. Show all posts
Showing posts with label general. Show all posts

Friday, January 9, 2009

The real situation....

Brazilian cartoonist Carlos Latuff creates artworks that call on the world to condemn Israeli holocaust of Gaza Nepos Libertas's blog


Carlos Latuff's statement: I'd like to beg all viewers to spread this image anywhere, as a way to expose Israeli war crimes against Palestinians. Use it on t-shirts, posters, banners. Reproduce it in zines, papers, magazines, and make it visible everywhere. Here is the high-resolution version for printing purposes: [ link ] Thank you in the name of every suffering Palestinian.


Sunday, June 29, 2008

Laugh Out Loud



Life is getting tougher by the day wouldn't you say. Police reports lodged here and there seems to be cuing that Malaysia is no longer a safe haven to most of us. Considering the abundance of police reports lodged, there is a possibility that one of these days, we could also be reported for something no matter how trivial the grounds may be, say public disturbance from your newborn baby for instance. To discuss on this would be quite a nightmare as the probable outcome would be endless . From 'the widespread of public awareness that Malaysia is no longer safe' to 'the writer accused of disrupting peace by conveying slanders to his readers'.

For my sake and yours, no politics , no economics and no heavy stuff. I'm afraid if I keep going on and on about the same thing I might eventually suffer from repetitive strain injury. So, I'll write something different today. The thing about writing is, you will never have a peace of mind until you completely penned down everything that goes on in it. Your ideas will keep on playing inside your head like old reruns until you decide to regurgitate it. In my case, type it in my blog. Let's hope that this piece would not turnout into just mere babbles.

Naturally, this stressful lifestyle that we live in, referring to the above example, high cost of living and etc, is bound to take its toll. We could probably witness some serious cases of nervous breakdown in the near future. Obviously, straining ourselves just because everyone else is, isn't the best idea. Life shouldn't be taken too seriously. Laugh along the way. Find joy and comedy wherever you may seek as it would lighten even the heaviest burden.

Once in a while, Google and you tube some funny videos. Read up the comics section everyday. Enjoy the comedy. Be entertained by jokes online. Laughter is the best medicine and to treat the worst kinds of diseases today, you surely need the best medicine there is. So what if your boss is a total jerk? So what if you had a bad hair day? So what if you ............ As long as you have your Russel Peters video nothing could go wrong.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Post Exam

Last Friday( Fri the 13th) marks the end of my A-Levels external exam. I had a lot of things to say and a lot of things to write but I had to focus on Econs, Maths and Accounts so this blog has been 'quiet' for some time now. But as I am now free as a bird, you can count on this blog to be operational as usual. You can anticipate my next post as soon as I finish my post exam celebration ... hahaha, toodles.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

The New Age Dictionary

The Oxford Dictionary's latest definition of the following words.

Divorce : Future tense of marriage.

Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool on the other.

Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power.

Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.

Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."

Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Father : A banker provided by nature.

Criminal : A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.

Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

And Finally,

Technology : When everyone is crowding in front of the TV waiting for American Idol's results, you've already seen it on youtube.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Top Ten: Ways to Make AF More Interesting

If I were not mistaken Akademi Fantasia (AF) reveals its finalists last night. Some may cherish as their favourites are qualified for the finals and some may not. After 6 seasons of airing, there calls for this over publicised reality show to take a rest and perhaps continue after they devise a new formula to enchant the crowd again. Nevertheless, if they are still continuing the show next year, here are some advices for you. It may be pricey, but it's worth it.

10. Rafidah Aziz and Shahrizat as contestants to add some 'colour' to the show.

9. Then again, grandmas shouldn't participate in the show and reintroduce the age limit.

8. The host, AC Mizal, announces the reunion of his former band 4U2C and plan a roadshow around the country.

7. Create a mascot for AF, just like Digi except it is red in colour and able to dance.

6. Change the name of the show from AF to FA.

5. Invite Simon Cowell to be one of the guest judges.

4. If not, let him be the principal of AF7.

3. Make it an online only show, that worked for Malaysian Dream Girls.

2. To make the participants more comfortable singing, renovate the stage to look like a bathroom.

1. Use a new motto, "Now everyone can sing LIVE".

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Red Skelton's Recipe For The Perfect Marriage

Richard Bernard “Red” Skelton (July 18, 1913 – September 17, 1997) was an American comedian who was best known as a top radio and television star from 1937 to 1971. Skelton's show business career began in his teens as a circus clown and went on to vaudeville, Broadway, films, radio, TV, clubs and casinos, while pursuing another career as a painter.



This is from one of his acts, The Perfect Marriage, enjoy.

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a littlebeverage, good food and companionship She goes on Tuesdays; I go onFridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California , and mine isin Texas .

3. I take my wife everywhere .... but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggestedthe kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric breadmaker. She said 'There are too many gadgets, and no place to sitdown!' So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running wellbecause there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was.She told me, 'In the lake.'

8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late for thegarbage?' The driver said, 'No, jump in!'

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know herfirst name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, 'What's on theTV?' I said, 'Dust!'

'God Bless.'

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Top Ten: Languages Spoken In the World

10. French, Number of speakers: 129 million.Often called the most romantic language in the world, French is spoken in tons of countries, including Belgium, Canada, Rwanda, Cameroon, and Haiti. Oh, and France too. We're actually very lucky that French is so popular, because without it, we might have been stuck with Dutch Toast, Dutch Fries, and Dutch kissing (ew!).To say "hello" in French, say "Bonjour" (bone-JOOR).

9. Malay (Indonesian), Number of speakers: 159 million Malay-Indonesian is spoken - surprise - in Malaysia and Indonesia. Actually, we kinda fudged the numbers on this one because there are many dialects of Malay, the most popular of which is Indonesian. But they're all pretty much based on the same root language, which makes it the ninth most-spoken in the world.Indonesia is a fascinating place; a nation made up of over 13,000 islands it is the sixth most populated country in the world. Malaysia borders on two of the larger parts of Indonesia (including the island of Borneo), and is mostly known for its capital city of Kuala Lumpur.To say "hello" in Indonesian, say "Selamat pagi" (se-LA-maht PA-gee).

8. Portuguese, Number of speakers: 191 million. Think of Portuguese as the little language that could. In the 12th Century, Portugal won its independence from Spain and expanded all over the world with the help of its famous explorers like Vasco da Gama and Prince Henry the Navigator. (Good thing Henry became a navigator . . . could you imagine if a guy named "Prince Henry the Navigator" became a florist?) Because Portugal got in so early on the exploring game, the language established itself all over the world, especially in Brazil (where it's the national language), Macao, Angola, Venezuela, and Mozambique.To say "hello" in Portuguese, say "Bom dia" (bohn DEE-ah).

7. Bengali, Number of speakers: 211 million. In Bangladesh, a country of 120+ million people, just about everybody speaks Bengali. And because Bangladesh is virtually surrounded by India (where the population is growing so fast, just breathing the air can get you pregnant), the number of Bengali speakers in the world is much higher than most people would expect.To say "hello" in Bengali, say "Ei Je" (EYE-jay).

6. Arabic, Number of speakers: 246 million. Arabic, one of the world's oldest languages, is spoken in the Middle East, with speakers found in countries such as Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Iraq, Syria, Jordan, Lebanon, and Egypt. Furthermore, because Arabic is the language of the Koran, millions of Muslims in other countries speak Arabic as well. So many people have a working knowledge of Arabic, in fact, that in 1974 it was made the sixth official language of the United Nations.To say "hello" in Arabic, say "Al salaam a'alaykum" (Ahl sah-LAHM ah ah-LAY-koom) .

5. Russian, Number of speakers: 277 million. Mikhail Gorbachev, Boris Yeltsin, and Yakov Smirnoff are among the millions of Russian speakers out there. Sure, we used to think of them as our Commie enemies. Now we think of them as our Commie friends. One of the six languages in the UN, Russian is spoken not only in the Mother Country, but also in Belarus, Kazakhstan, and the U.S. (to name just a few places).To say "hello" in Russian, say "Zdravstvuite" (ZDRAST-vet- yah).

4. Spanish, Number of speakers: 392 million. Aside from all of those kids who take it in high school, Spanish is spoken in just about every South American and Central American country, not to mention Spain, Cuba, and the U.S. There is a particular interest in Spanish in the U.S., as many English words are borrowed from the language, including: tornado, bonanza, patio, quesadilla, enchilada, and taco grande supreme.To say "hello" in Spanish, say "Hola" (OH-la).

3. Hindustani, Number of speakers: 497 million. Hindustani is the primary language of India's crowded population, and it encompasses a huge number of dialects (of which the most commonly spoken is Hindi). While many predict that the population of India will soon surpass that of China, the prominence of English in India prevents Hindustani from surpassing the most popular language in the world. If you're interested in learning a little Hindi, there's a very easy way: rent an Indian movie. The film industry in India is the most prolific in the world, making thousands of action/romance/ musicals every year.To say "hello" in Hindustani, say "Namaste" (Nah-MAH-stay) .

2. English, Number of speakers: 508 million. While English doesn't have the most speakers, it is the official language of more countries than any other language. Its speakers hail from all around the world, including the U.S., Australia, England, Zimbabwe, the Caribbean, Hong Kong, South Africa, and Canada. We'd tell you more about English, but you probably feel pretty comfortable with the language already. Let's just move on to the most popular language in the world.To say "hello" in English, say "What's up, freak?" (watz-UP-freek) .

1. Mandarin, Number of speakers: 1 billion+Surprise, surprise, the most widely spoken language on the planet is based in the most populated country on the planet, China. Beating second-place English by a 2 to 1 ratio, but don't let that lull you into thinking that Mandarin is easy to learn. Speaking Mandarin can be really tough, because each word can be pronounced in four ways (or "tones"), and a beginner will invariably have trouble distinguishing one tone from another. But if over a billion people could do it, so could you. Try saying hello!To say "hello" in Mandarin, say "Ni hao" (Nee HaOW). ("Hao" is pronounced as one syllable, but the tone requires that you let your voice drop midway, and then raise it again at the end.)

Check out my previous Top Ten posts here.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Lets see what the experts have to say about this mind boggling question.

Kindergarten teacher: Because it wanted to get to the other side.

Malaysian driver: To see the accident on the other side lorh!

Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

Donald Reagan : I forget.

Richard Nixon : The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, did NOT cross the road.

Arthur Andersen (consultant) :Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competences required for the newly competitive market. Andersen, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align thechicken people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework.Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.Computer Programmer:
In order for the chicken to cross the road safely they would need more than one driver to access the server farm, if not they will hang in the middle of the road.

Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross aroad? I mean, why doesn't anyone everthink to ask "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"

Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not onlycross roads, but will lay eggs, file yourimportant documents, and balance your checkbook.

Colonel Sanders (KFC) : I missed one?

Bill Clinton: I've had so many chicks, I can't remember...

Dr M:You know, I am tired of all this...'apa-nama' chicken-chicken bisnes...the foreign powers should stop intervening in our domestic affairs and just leave our chickens alone.. If they want to... 'apa nama' cross the road, they should be allowed to cross the road...
Malaysia is a democratic country; we le tour chickens do whatever they want to do... as long as they don't threaten the Malay unity and try to topple the government...and if they plan to do so... we won't hesitate to use the ISA...

Pak Lah:Ini semua adalah khabar angin sahaja...jangan percaya khabar - khabar angin ini semua... biasalah ini adalah taktik pembangkang untuk memecah belahkan perpaduan ayam-ayam semua... jangan percaya... jangan percaya...

Sammy Vellu :Ayyooyoo... belakang cerita lain kali, kita sude bikin banyak jembatan, itu ayam musti guna jembatan untuk lintas itu jalan lagi pun kalu itu ayam mau pigi jalan-jalan, beritau sama saya juga,saya bolley buat lebbey banyak toll........

Karam Singh Walia (TV3) :Seperti yang saudara dapat lihat, kelihatan ayam-ayam itu sedang melintas jalan. Mereka bukan sahaja melintas jalan, malah membuang najis di atas jalan dan ini adalahpencemaran yang paling hebat di maya ini. Bapa-bapa dan ibu-ibu ayam haruslah mengambil inisiatif untukmelatih ayam-ayam agar menahan najis sewaktu melintas jalan, sekian saya sudahi dengan.........Ayam di jalan dilintaskan; Ayam di reban mati tak makan.

Wan Kamarudin (Edisi Siasat NTV7) :Ape kejadahnyer ini semua, KL dah jadik reban ayam, mak bapak ayam asyik menganga saje.

Zainal Ariffin Ismail (Misteri Nusantara TV3) :Ada saksi menyatakan yang mereka apat melihat ayam-ayam ini melintasi jalan-jalan di kampung ini pada waktu malam. Ada yang menyatakan ayam-ayam ini merupakan penyamaran jin.Dan ada juga mengaitkan ia berkaitan dengan peristiwa silam di kampung ini. Apakah sebenarnya maksud tersirat ayam-ayam ini melintas jalan? Oleh itusaya akhiri, "Jangan biarkan hidup anda diselubungi misteri........."

Ministers in the cabinet : We will set up a panel to investigate if this video footage of chicken crossing the road is authentic.

Nazri Aziz : Bodoh, Bodoh, Bodoh, the chicken did not cross the road. It just walk across it.

Ramli Ngah Talib(Parliament chair speaker) : Mind your language Nazri. From now on, the word 'chicken' is included in the 114 words that cannot be uttered in the Parliament.

Lingam : It looks like a chicken, it sounds like a chicken but its not a chicken.

Zainal Alam Kadir(Wayang Kita Astro) : Ayam siapa kalau bukan ayam kita...

Dan Brown (Da Vinci's code author) : The chicken used to a member of a secret society Poultry of Sion. The Opus Dei chickens are on its back because of the missing parshments of Les Dossiers Secrets. And they(Opus Dei)are known for their 'corporal mortification' practice.

George Bush: These chicken inspector must be allowed to do their job....Let me stress now...their plutonium enrichment program must be stop, and make no mistake, we are not going to tolerate another WMD producing rouge chicken state, they are axis of evil state....and put all our options on the table..

Dr. Goh(maths lecturer): Its a long story....

Mr. Francis(accounts lecturer) : According to the accounting concept of Prudence, the chicken is estimating thier unrealised loss by going to the other side.

Ms. Kimmie(econs lecturer): The demand for chicken is rising on the other side. As supply on the other side is diminishing and prices begins to rise, the chickens from this side crosses over to let the market achieve the previous market equilibrium.

Mainstream Media : (headline)" Opposition entice the chicken to cross the road. All chicken die."

Chandler Bing(friends) : Could that chicken BE crossing any roads.

Pemuda UMNO : No matter how many chickens cross the road, we will still give our undivided support tu Pak Lah.

Mukhriz Mahathir: Since there has been many incidents of chicken crossing roads, I urge the PM take full responsibilty of this crisis and do the right thing(resign).

Rafidah Aziz :I don't care about chicken crossing roads, all I care is that i didn't get a cabinet post.

Khir Toyo: This is a result of ill treatment by the new government of Selangor towards the chickens. See, now they are crossing to the other side. Hmm.. maybe I'll add this to my new blog.

Zainuddin Maidin: This is not Pakistan, this is not Burma, this is not Thailand. Unlike there, our chickens do not cross roads.

Chicken: Mind your own business.

but I think the most accurate answer is

Political analyst: The 'chickens'(politician) cross the road(switch parties) to get to the stronger party after election.

Related links:

Malaysian Politicians Say the Darndest Things
Top Ten: Ways to be a 'Great' politician
Flip Flop Plunder

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Top Ten: Chandler's Take on Life


Bored of the same casual conversation everyday. Where your friend will ask you something and you will either answer yes or no and the conversation just ends. Fret not, here are the top ten quotes by Chandler Bing from everyone's favourite comedy in the 90's FRIENDS that you can apply in your everyday conversation to put some zest in to it.



10. When someone asks you for advice on their relationship and you are afraid that by advising, things could only become worse,reply:"I'm not so good with the advice... Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?“- Chandler Bing


9. If someone asks you whether you had sex in high school, reply:"Yeah, well, I went to boarding school with four hundred boys. Any sex I had would've involved a major lifestyle choice." - Chandler Bing


8.When you(a guy) are with a girl in a conversation and they condemn boys for being ignorant, shallow minded etc, say:"Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian. Did I say that out loud?"- Chandler Bing


7.A girl asks you,"You're a guy, what's you opinion about........", reply:"Well if I were a guy. Wait, did I just say 'If I were a guy'?“-Chandler Bing


6. A friend says "I'm going to woo her with a little music from record player/walkman." or any outdated phrases, reply:"Hey, you know what you should do? Take her back to the 1800's when that phrase was last used."- Chandler Bing


5. You don't know what to get for a friend on his/ her birthday, say:"That's great. Last year I got the gift of space. We should get together and make a continuum."- Chandler Bing


4. You're jobless and someone wants to borrow your tie, reply:"Okay, but you'll have to give it back when I get a job. Of course, by then, ties will be obsolete and we'll all be wearing silver jumpsuits."- Chandler Bing


3.(For guys) Your girl pals are talking about CLEO,COSMO or other girl related magazine/issues." All right, I took the quiz (cosmo), and it turns out, I do put career before men." - Chandler Bing


2.You're out of shape and someone asks you whether you are a gym member' reply: "Oh yeah, I'm a gym member. I try to go four times a week, but I've missed the last ... twelve hundred times"


1.When you are caught telling your friends' secrets to other friends, reply:"I tell people secrets. It makes them like me." - Chandler Bing

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Top Ten: Unfortunate Situations to Be In

Besides my normal posts, I shall introduce to you a countdown of ten things based on the week's topic. I will treat it like a series. My Top Ten series. Yeah that's what I'll call it. Hopefully I can produce it once a week. So you have a reason to come visit my blog weekly and I can guarantee that a week I'll at least have one new post. My materials might be from my experience or someone else's. Which is which, you have to find out yourselves eh. Without rambling much further, here's the first of the series, Top ten unfortunate situations to be in:

10. You're at the exit(mainly shopping mall) and you forgot to pay the parking using the auto pay machine.
Especially, when you realise that, the cars had started queueing behind you.There's no turning back. They honked at you like no body's business and you start to panic.aargghhh. But the bright side is that the parking attendant might get panic too and let you off for free.

9. People honk in tense situations.
Tense situations here could mean like the above or in a traffic jam. You know, when you're stuck there and nowhere else to go, and suddenly this wise guy began honking. It then triggers a chain reaction. As a result everyone honks without knowing who they are honking at. And everyone ends up feeling more stressed out than before. We should promote this culture to foreigners for the Tourism Malaysia.

8.Trying to find a clear traffic exiting KL during peak hours(evening).
You've been driving for quite some time and you know basically all the roads exiting KL like the back of your hand. You turn here and turn there and make another turn somewhere just to end up in another place that is congested. It's just pointless as KL is right smack in the middle of the hot zone. You can't run away from this.

7. Forgot to pay for your meal.
Had lunch, walked around the mall, after a while passed the restaurant again and the waiter reminded you that haven't paid.Hahaha, how unfortunate or may I say embarrassing was that. Of course it was unintentional, but do you think the waiter is going to buy that excuse.

6. It rains and you find a bird poop on your car after you've just washed it.
Talk about watermarks. The car was at its best, all sparkling and all clean. Someone could have mistaken it for a new car. But the bird just couldn't do its business before you washed your car. Always after.*sigh* It is just wasn't meant to be.

5.You have to pay extra even though you rushed to exit the car park.
Talking about ironic, here's one. You parked somewhere that the rates are very expensive. So you tried your best not to get charged extra. Your watch showed 2 mins till the extra charge. You sped off to your car and drove to the exit. By the time you got through the exits, you still need to pay extra because the time stated on the ticket is a few minutes earlier than it should be.

4. You are late for Maths.
I'm not talking of 10-30 mins. late, but 1 hour. If you can't get anything inside your head when you attend the class from the beginning, imagine how is it when you attend the class barely knowing what the lecturer is talking about. Picture this, Math in French. Here, the phrase 'better late than never' doesn't apply.

3. Some stranger waves at you and you waved back....
but actually its his/her friend behind you that he/she was waving at. To look cool, you pretended that you're waving to someone far away or do a weird dance with both hands up in the air like you don't care (not recommended).

2. While you were drinking someone utter a funny statement making you spout the water in your mouth.
If you're lucky, the water will just fall into your plate. If not,well then that's another case. Make an excuse that you were trying to test how far can you spout water from your mouth. Ask them to try. Then you won't be the only one looking foolish. hahaha.

1. Arguing with a doctor
Relax, the doctor that I mean here is not the practicing one, whom prescribes medicine for you nor is it the one that jabs you with vaccine when you get flu. I'm talking about the ones with PhD's i.e some lecturers. Even though when you are sure that you are right, you have all the facts straight, you understand the subject matter clearly and you expressed your thoughts directly, the doctor will end up winning the argument. I don't know how he does it but he will stick to his principles no matter how bad his communcation skill is and try to emphasise his point. I guess the moral here is never argue with a doctor (PhD).
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