Red Skelton's Recipe For The Perfect Marriage

Richard Bernard “Red” Skelton (July 18, 1913 – September 17, 1997) was an American comedian who was best known as a top radio and television star from 1937 to 1971. Skelton's show business career began in his teens as a circus clown and went on to vaudeville, Broadway, films, radio, TV, clubs and casinos, while pursuing another career as a painter.



This is from one of his acts, The Perfect Marriage, enjoy.

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a littlebeverage, good food and companionship She goes on Tuesdays; I go onFridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California , and mine isin Texas .

3. I take my wife everywhere .... but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggestedthe kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric breadmaker. She said 'There are too many gadgets, and no place to sitdown!' So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running wellbecause there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was.She told me, 'In the lake.'

8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late for thegarbage?' The driver said, 'No, jump in!'

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know herfirst name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, 'What's on theTV?' I said, 'Dust!'

'God Bless.'