Courtesy of Late Show with David Letterman
10. Calls every contestant "Sanjaya"
9. Didn't give any compliments
8. Thought Randy is Michael Jackson's brother
7. Simon chews his pen, she eats them like pretzel rods
6. After a song, she asks to buy a vowel
5. Asks the contestants if they want to use a lifeline if they were eliminated
4. She and five imaginary friends are planning to rob Mick Jagger
3. Begins every sentence with, "This may be the gin talking"
2. Hasn't seduced a contestant in weeks
1. Amy Winehouse called her and said, "Dude, you're nuts"
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Saturday, May 24, 2008
The New Age Dictionary
The Oxford Dictionary's latest definition of the following words.
Divorce : Future tense of marriage.
Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool on the other.
Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power.
Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.
Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.
Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Father : A banker provided by nature.
Criminal : A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.
Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
And Finally,
Technology : When everyone is crowding in front of the TV waiting for American Idol's results, you've already seen it on youtube.
Divorce : Future tense of marriage.
Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool on the other.
Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power.
Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.
Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.
Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Father : A banker provided by nature.
Criminal : A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.
Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
And Finally,
Technology : When everyone is crowding in front of the TV waiting for American Idol's results, you've already seen it on youtube.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Malaysian Artiste For Unity
Quoted from Malaysian artistes for unity website
"bored. so he telephoned a few friends. “how about getting together to make
an anti-racism national unity song and music video?” all said yes without
hesitation. not because pete threatened them with a sharp and rusty knife.
but only because they love Malaysia."
Our artistes have made their move, when will our politicians?
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Top Ten: Ways to Make AF More Interesting
If I were not mistaken Akademi Fantasia (AF) reveals its finalists last night. Some may cherish as their favourites are qualified for the finals and some may not. After 6 seasons of airing, there calls for this over publicised reality show to take a rest and perhaps continue after they devise a new formula to enchant the crowd again. Nevertheless, if they are still continuing the show next year, here are some advices for you. It may be pricey, but it's worth it.
10. Rafidah Aziz and Shahrizat as contestants to add some 'colour' to the show.
9. Then again, grandmas shouldn't participate in the show and reintroduce the age limit.
8. The host, AC Mizal, announces the reunion of his former band 4U2C and plan a roadshow around the country.
7. Create a mascot for AF, just like Digi except it is red in colour and able to dance.
6. Change the name of the show from AF to FA.
5. Invite Simon Cowell to be one of the guest judges.
4. If not, let him be the principal of AF7.
3. Make it an online only show, that worked for Malaysian Dream Girls.
2. To make the participants more comfortable singing, renovate the stage to look like a bathroom.
1. Use a new motto, "Now everyone can sing LIVE".
10. Rafidah Aziz and Shahrizat as contestants to add some 'colour' to the show.
9. Then again, grandmas shouldn't participate in the show and reintroduce the age limit.
8. The host, AC Mizal, announces the reunion of his former band 4U2C and plan a roadshow around the country.
7. Create a mascot for AF, just like Digi except it is red in colour and able to dance.
6. Change the name of the show from AF to FA.
5. Invite Simon Cowell to be one of the guest judges.
4. If not, let him be the principal of AF7.
3. Make it an online only show, that worked for Malaysian Dream Girls.
2. To make the participants more comfortable singing, renovate the stage to look like a bathroom.
1. Use a new motto, "Now everyone can sing LIVE".
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Royal Pain
There are so many things happening in Malaysia's political scene presently that if I were to choose a few simple words to describe it, I would say that "it is anything but dull".
With these circumstances, it's no surprise that political analysts or commentators are most likely to be employed and post 8th of March election, we saw quite a few more blossoming unofficially, including me I guess. Discussions in Kopitiams and Mamaks are as heated as ever. Speculations after speculations have been made but nothing is really certain, yet. Like I said, even a layman could now become a political analyst and speculate Malaysia’s political course albeit with his own unique interpretation.
Saving this matter for later let us move on to another issue. One of the most contentious news this week is regarding Karpal Sigh’s statement which is considered insulting to the Rulers and Islam. This issue comes about when Karpal allegedly questioned the power of the Sultan of Perak over a transfer of a civil servant. Now, let me make things clear by saying that I will not be analysing the legality of his actions and to those who seek just that, pardon me for disappointing you .What I am trying to analyse here is the reaction of the people (political analyst) towards his statement.
In about a few days, 19 police reports was made alleging Karpal to be seditious. Some go to the extent labelling Karpal’s action as tantamount to being disrespectful to Islam. Is it just me or all this seems a tad too dramatic. We never really did bother to lodge any police report when our neighbors’ house got robbed. We never bothered to report the corruption and the abuse of power occurring right in front of our eyes. And yet a meagre statement could somehow attract 19 different police reports against it. In retaliation someone from Pakatan Rakyat (PR) lodgeed a report (only one) against Pak Lah under the Sedition act due to his comment towards YDP Agong’s action of appointing his own choice of MB, - “the appointment of anyone other than Idris (as Terengganu’s MB) is unconstitutional and invalid”.
It is clear that both parties here are playing the same game and we as the spectators only hope that justice will prevail. Charge Karpal for Sedition and you just have to subject the PM under the same charges. Isn’t that how justice should work? No one is above the law as Pak Lah always says. If that is the case, then we have to look a little further back into our history books. Recently it was the appointment of MB’s of Perlis and Terengganu. Before that there was Muhd Taib’s ‘conflict’ with the Selangor’s Sultan, the government reducing the power of the Rulers and most importantly the Constitutional Crisis. If we were to dig all this and scrutinise bit by bit, a lot of UMNO members would inevitably be charged with sedition. Even Dr. M would have to worry about a new case in his hands. This would then come under the Sedition Act that categorised “bring into hatred or contempt or to excite disaffection against any Ruler or against any Government” as having seditious tendency.
On the other hand, I’m no lawyer. You can do a little research yourselves or seek legal advice to confirm that one. Revisiting the first matter on speculations and the likes, it seems that Malaysians, and I do mean ordinary Malaysians like you and I, have a knack for them. When something new surfaces we examine it thoroughly and base on the information available, we arrive at a particular speculation. Until it is definite, it will merely remain as one. While speculations are sometimes harmful to the economy, i.e. 1997 currency crisis, it can also do a great deal of damage to the political stability, either for a certain party or the country as a whole. This is regularly so when political advisors give counsel to the MP’s based on a knee jerk reaction towards sheer speculations.
One clear example is the ongoing news about the crossovers of MP’s from BN to PR. We can see that BN MP’s are now dancing with PR’s tunes by giving unnecessary remarks and comments about the crossovers. It is more disappointing when an entire parliamentary session was focused on the same issue. It seems that they are too engrossed in this speculation and forgot about other important things to discuss about. It does not do to dwell on speculation and forget to live. As a so-called ‘political analyst’ I would say that BN could act proactive by starting to treat their MP’s fairly without discriminating them. Try to win their hearts instead of condemning the act of crossing over because that will not deter anyone from executing their initial intention. To PR, I hope that whatever your next move is, it will be for the sake of the greater good. The earlier the speculation ends (read: confirmed) the earlier our MP’s could get back to work.
To top it up, I reiterate that in Malaysia, there is no such thing as too many political analysts. There is, however, such thing as too many political advisors. In which case one of them might get entangled in a high profile murder involving a foreign model. - NHF
With these circumstances, it's no surprise that political analysts or commentators are most likely to be employed and post 8th of March election, we saw quite a few more blossoming unofficially, including me I guess. Discussions in Kopitiams and Mamaks are as heated as ever. Speculations after speculations have been made but nothing is really certain, yet. Like I said, even a layman could now become a political analyst and speculate Malaysia’s political course albeit with his own unique interpretation.
Saving this matter for later let us move on to another issue. One of the most contentious news this week is regarding Karpal Sigh’s statement which is considered insulting to the Rulers and Islam. This issue comes about when Karpal allegedly questioned the power of the Sultan of Perak over a transfer of a civil servant. Now, let me make things clear by saying that I will not be analysing the legality of his actions and to those who seek just that, pardon me for disappointing you .What I am trying to analyse here is the reaction of the people (political analyst) towards his statement.
In about a few days, 19 police reports was made alleging Karpal to be seditious. Some go to the extent labelling Karpal’s action as tantamount to being disrespectful to Islam. Is it just me or all this seems a tad too dramatic. We never really did bother to lodge any police report when our neighbors’ house got robbed. We never bothered to report the corruption and the abuse of power occurring right in front of our eyes. And yet a meagre statement could somehow attract 19 different police reports against it. In retaliation someone from Pakatan Rakyat (PR) lodgeed a report (only one) against Pak Lah under the Sedition act due to his comment towards YDP Agong’s action of appointing his own choice of MB, - “the appointment of anyone other than Idris (as Terengganu’s MB) is unconstitutional and invalid”.
It is clear that both parties here are playing the same game and we as the spectators only hope that justice will prevail. Charge Karpal for Sedition and you just have to subject the PM under the same charges. Isn’t that how justice should work? No one is above the law as Pak Lah always says. If that is the case, then we have to look a little further back into our history books. Recently it was the appointment of MB’s of Perlis and Terengganu. Before that there was Muhd Taib’s ‘conflict’ with the Selangor’s Sultan, the government reducing the power of the Rulers and most importantly the Constitutional Crisis. If we were to dig all this and scrutinise bit by bit, a lot of UMNO members would inevitably be charged with sedition. Even Dr. M would have to worry about a new case in his hands. This would then come under the Sedition Act that categorised “bring into hatred or contempt or to excite disaffection against any Ruler or against any Government” as having seditious tendency.
On the other hand, I’m no lawyer. You can do a little research yourselves or seek legal advice to confirm that one. Revisiting the first matter on speculations and the likes, it seems that Malaysians, and I do mean ordinary Malaysians like you and I, have a knack for them. When something new surfaces we examine it thoroughly and base on the information available, we arrive at a particular speculation. Until it is definite, it will merely remain as one. While speculations are sometimes harmful to the economy, i.e. 1997 currency crisis, it can also do a great deal of damage to the political stability, either for a certain party or the country as a whole. This is regularly so when political advisors give counsel to the MP’s based on a knee jerk reaction towards sheer speculations.
One clear example is the ongoing news about the crossovers of MP’s from BN to PR. We can see that BN MP’s are now dancing with PR’s tunes by giving unnecessary remarks and comments about the crossovers. It is more disappointing when an entire parliamentary session was focused on the same issue. It seems that they are too engrossed in this speculation and forgot about other important things to discuss about. It does not do to dwell on speculation and forget to live. As a so-called ‘political analyst’ I would say that BN could act proactive by starting to treat their MP’s fairly without discriminating them. Try to win their hearts instead of condemning the act of crossing over because that will not deter anyone from executing their initial intention. To PR, I hope that whatever your next move is, it will be for the sake of the greater good. The earlier the speculation ends (read: confirmed) the earlier our MP’s could get back to work.
To top it up, I reiterate that in Malaysia, there is no such thing as too many political analysts. There is, however, such thing as too many political advisors. In which case one of them might get entangled in a high profile murder involving a foreign model. - NHF
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Red Skelton's Recipe For The Perfect Marriage
Richard Bernard “Red” Skelton (July 18, 1913 – September 17, 1997) was an American comedian who was best known as a top radio and television star from 1937 to 1971. Skelton's show business career began in his teens as a circus clown and went on to vaudeville, Broadway, films, radio, TV, clubs and casinos, while pursuing another career as a painter.This is from one of his acts, The Perfect Marriage, enjoy.
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a littlebeverage, good food and companionship She goes on Tuesdays; I go onFridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California , and mine isin Texas .
3. I take my wife everywhere .... but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggestedthe kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric breadmaker. She said 'There are too many gadgets, and no place to sitdown!' So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running wellbecause there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was.She told me, 'In the lake.'
8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late for thegarbage?' The driver said, 'No, jump in!'
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know herfirst name was Always.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, 'What's on theTV?' I said, 'Dust!'
'God Bless.'
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Top Ten: Hollywood Remakes, Malaysian Style
Lately, we have seen a couple of made in Malaysia movies that scooped a few concepts from Hollywood movies. To name a few, KL Drift, Cicakman and Evolusi Drift are movies that aspire to be like their American counterparts but fail in many aspects. Perhaps directors, screenwriters and producers should consider these films as their next production.
10. Raba-man (Spider-man)
9. Poll Wars: BN Strikes Back (Star Wars: Empire Strikes Back)
8. Poll Wars: Return of the Opposition ( Star Wars: Return of the Jedi)
7. Million Dollar PM (Million Dolar Baby)
6. Stranger Than Fact (Stranger Than Fiction)
5. Pirates of the Straits (Pirates of the Caribbean)
4. National Treasure : Book of Scandals ( National Treasure: Book of Secrets)
3. There's Something about Mamaks (There's Something About Mary)
2. Majority Report (Minority Report)
1. The Goodfather-in-law (The Godfather)
10. Raba-man (Spider-man)
9. Poll Wars: BN Strikes Back (Star Wars: Empire Strikes Back)
8. Poll Wars: Return of the Opposition ( Star Wars: Return of the Jedi)
7. Million Dollar PM (Million Dolar Baby)
6. Stranger Than Fact (Stranger Than Fiction)
5. Pirates of the Straits (Pirates of the Caribbean)
4. National Treasure : Book of Scandals ( National Treasure: Book of Secrets)
3. There's Something about Mamaks (There's Something About Mary)
2. Majority Report (Minority Report)
1. The Goodfather-in-law (The Godfather)
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Blogger Opts For Jail Over Bail
This month will surely not be the ever popular merry month of May, but it is a month that will be remembered nevertheless.
Just a week into May, following World Press Freedom Day, we witness the first blogger, Raja Petra Kamarudin (RPK), to be charged under the Sedition Act, after he allegedly posted a 'seditious' article titled "Let’s send the Altantutya murderers to hell" on his website Malaysia Today. The article implicated Deputy Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Razak and his wife Datin Seri Rosmah Mansor in the 2006 murder of Mongolian Altantuya Shaariibuu.
This and all other information are certainly available in the Mainstream Media or the Alternative Media. Therefore, I would not waste my time narrating each sequence of the events but would only offer you my critical take on it. By saying critical I mean the-one-who-does-not-take-the-government-seriously kind of take.
Before we go any further, it would be crucial for us to get to know the accused a little more. He started writing since his blog started its operation in August 2004. His writing style is often very witty, humorous and straight to the point. In addition, in his most recent post he admitted that if his articles were to be scrutinised, most article could fall under the government's category of seditious.
Hence, arise the question of why now? After almost four years of operation and god knows how many articles posted, why does this particular article that brought Raja Petra to court under the charge of sedition instead of the ones before. Why only after the Barisan Nasional suffer it's biggest defeat in history do the authorities launch their crackdown on 'seditious' bloggers.
Consequently, this merely strengthens my conviction that this entire saga is orchestrated by the powers that be to intimidate free speaking individuals and serve as a lesson to others that fall in the same league. I have to agree 100% with Lim Kit Siang's (DAP) take on this event.
"They (Najib and Rosmah) reserve the right to clear their names through the laws. So why have they used the government facilities to take action against Raja Petra Kamaruddin? This is the abuse of powers. There are other channels for the deputy prime minister and his family to take action against Raja Petra - to use civil action and litigation," he said.
Yes, this is a blatant abuse of powers and if anyone says otherwise, it's time for you to get your eyes, ears and everything checked. On the other hand, this is a perfect time to test the two most important institutions with regards to justice; the Judiciary and the police institution. Are they really independent as professed by the government time and again?
Officially keeping the score, I have to say that the police has been compromised, based on the whole "I take orders from above" incident of course. The Judiciary has yet to be evaluated and I'll be waiting eagerly for the moment to come in October. As for the implications and motives for this saga, I would say that there is more to it than meets the eye.
From the government's point of view, if we take on this maverick, we will make him pay for making us look like losers in the eyes of the people. If he goes down, Malaysia Today will go down with him(how wrong were they). An added bonus, bloggers will be more careful (read: scared) in posting comments critical to the establishment. Finally we will have order.
From RPK's point of view, this the most appropriate time to engage the government and bring down the scumbags in them. It is an opportunity to direct the public and government's back towards the dragging and bound to be forgotten Altantuya murder trial. Additionally, attracting local and foreign media attention towards atrocities done by the establishment.
As we can see, both sides have their own plans but as always man proposes God disposes. For now let us be patient and let fate take its own due course, the truth shall unravel inevitably. Either this will be a beginning of another form of Operation Lalang or the significant beginning of a war against the unjust.-NHF
Just a week into May, following World Press Freedom Day, we witness the first blogger, Raja Petra Kamarudin (RPK), to be charged under the Sedition Act, after he allegedly posted a 'seditious' article titled "Let’s send the Altantutya murderers to hell" on his website Malaysia Today. The article implicated Deputy Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Razak and his wife Datin Seri Rosmah Mansor in the 2006 murder of Mongolian Altantuya Shaariibuu.
This and all other information are certainly available in the Mainstream Media or the Alternative Media. Therefore, I would not waste my time narrating each sequence of the events but would only offer you my critical take on it. By saying critical I mean the-one-who-does-not-take-the-government-seriously kind of take.
Before we go any further, it would be crucial for us to get to know the accused a little more. He started writing since his blog started its operation in August 2004. His writing style is often very witty, humorous and straight to the point. In addition, in his most recent post he admitted that if his articles were to be scrutinised, most article could fall under the government's category of seditious.
Hence, arise the question of why now? After almost four years of operation and god knows how many articles posted, why does this particular article that brought Raja Petra to court under the charge of sedition instead of the ones before. Why only after the Barisan Nasional suffer it's biggest defeat in history do the authorities launch their crackdown on 'seditious' bloggers.
Consequently, this merely strengthens my conviction that this entire saga is orchestrated by the powers that be to intimidate free speaking individuals and serve as a lesson to others that fall in the same league. I have to agree 100% with Lim Kit Siang's (DAP) take on this event.
"They (Najib and Rosmah) reserve the right to clear their names through the laws. So why have they used the government facilities to take action against Raja Petra Kamaruddin? This is the abuse of powers. There are other channels for the deputy prime minister and his family to take action against Raja Petra - to use civil action and litigation," he said.
Yes, this is a blatant abuse of powers and if anyone says otherwise, it's time for you to get your eyes, ears and everything checked. On the other hand, this is a perfect time to test the two most important institutions with regards to justice; the Judiciary and the police institution. Are they really independent as professed by the government time and again?
Officially keeping the score, I have to say that the police has been compromised, based on the whole "I take orders from above" incident of course. The Judiciary has yet to be evaluated and I'll be waiting eagerly for the moment to come in October. As for the implications and motives for this saga, I would say that there is more to it than meets the eye.
From the government's point of view, if we take on this maverick, we will make him pay for making us look like losers in the eyes of the people. If he goes down, Malaysia Today will go down with him(how wrong were they). An added bonus, bloggers will be more careful (read: scared) in posting comments critical to the establishment. Finally we will have order.
From RPK's point of view, this the most appropriate time to engage the government and bring down the scumbags in them. It is an opportunity to direct the public and government's back towards the dragging and bound to be forgotten Altantuya murder trial. Additionally, attracting local and foreign media attention towards atrocities done by the establishment.
As we can see, both sides have their own plans but as always man proposes God disposes. For now let us be patient and let fate take its own due course, the truth shall unravel inevitably. Either this will be a beginning of another form of Operation Lalang or the significant beginning of a war against the unjust.-NHF
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Top Ten: George W. Bush Ideas For Stimulating the Economy
Courtesy of Late Show with David Letterman.
10.Send troops to invade U.S. Mint
9.Oprah gives everybody a new car
8.Turn Grand Canyon into a giant national "Have a penny, leave a penny" jar
7.Cheney threatens to shoot treasury secretary in the face
6.Plans to fix economy in third term
5.Replace Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke with briefcase babes from "Deal or No Deal"
4.Send elite team of economists to rob Mick Jagger's apartment
3.Ahhh -- somebody help...Cloverfield monster...Run for your lives!
2.Maybe not spending a billion dollars a month in Iraq?
1.Forget the economy -- why doesn't someone try stimulating Condoleezza?
Check out previous Top Ten posts here.
10.Send troops to invade U.S. Mint
9.Oprah gives everybody a new car
8.Turn Grand Canyon into a giant national "Have a penny, leave a penny" jar
7.Cheney threatens to shoot treasury secretary in the face
6.Plans to fix economy in third term
5.Replace Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke with briefcase babes from "Deal or No Deal"
4.Send elite team of economists to rob Mick Jagger's apartment
3.Ahhh -- somebody help...Cloverfield monster...Run for your lives!
2.Maybe not spending a billion dollars a month in Iraq?
1.Forget the economy -- why doesn't someone try stimulating Condoleezza?
Check out previous Top Ten posts here.
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