Top Ten: Reasons To School Them In English

Below are examples of how many of us speak English today. Taken from The Malaysian Today. Out of 100, I chose only 10. They are all true cases.

10. In a hotel a girl calls out to her friends: "Come lets jump into the poo(pool)"

9. A student writing an essay on how to bake a cake,
After all the ingredients are poured in the bowl, DISTURB (stir) the mixture....

8. At a job interview:
Q: You have a long name. So how do I address you?
A: I live in Gombak Setia sir.

7. Another essay by a student: "He suffer from low SELF OF STEAM (self-esteem)"

6. Overheard at a coffeeshop:
"No, I don't want iced lemon tea. I want teh-o-ais-limau."

5. An article by a journalism student in a local university:
"The man died after the post mortem."

4. During a war scene in a movie, a soldier tells his men to run for cover and screams "duck!". The subtitles read: "ITIK!"

3. A part time worker at a concert hall needs to stamp the wrists of patrons going out for a break. She says: "Excuse me sir, can I chop your hand"

2. "Wait later I call you on my CELLULITE phone (cellular phone)"

1. Interview between an airline company and a flight attendant wannabe.
Q: What do you know about flight safety procedures?
A: Passengers must leave their belongigs during EJACULATION (evacuation)

Check out other Top Tens

Ex-ST reporter to publish 'frank' book on Malaysia

SINGAPORE, Sept 17 - As Malaysia continues to grapple with political troubles, a former Straits Times reporter is throwing a few more stories into the mix. Former senior correspondent Ismail Kassim, 65, who was the paper's first Kuala Lumpur correspondent, is publishing a book about his experiences in the country that he says is -frank-.

The 314-page -A Reporter's Memoir: No Hard Feelings-, which he will launch in late October, covers his experiences as a reporter in Malaysia and also includes his thoughts about what he says are sensitive topics.

-Nothing is sacred. I have expressed my views clearly on all issues from race relations to faith and religion and political differences between Singapore and Malaysia,- he said.

-Whether I write about my boyish escapades or my tribulations over faith or my recollections of Lee Kuan Yew, Goh Chok Tong, Mahathir, Anwar, Pak Lah, Najib and others, I have adopted the same irreverent approach and the same nonchalant brush,- he added, referring to top leaders past and present in Malaysia and Singapore.

Having -stepped on many toes-, however, he felt he had to say -no hard feelings- to all of them - hence the title. -This is my way of reminding all of those mentioned in the narrative not to take things to heart,- he said.

The book documents Ismail's life as a former teacher, soldier, reporter and unionist, with about a third of it dwelling on his 15 years in Kuala Lumpur providing Singaporeans with first-hand coverage of politics across the Causeway.

Now a retiree, Ismail had spent more than a year putting the book together -primarily to entertain himself, his friends and former fans-.

-A Reporter's Memoir: No Hard Feelings- will be launched at the end of October at the National Library.

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Road to 16 Sept

Expressing as such only strengthens the notion and giving the perception that even the government doesn’t have faith in our legal system.

Some dismiss it as a baseless rumour 'to create uncertainty in this country' while some affirmed that everything is going according to plan and the plan will materialise as the right time comes (may not be exactly 16 Sept after all). As we get closer to the D-day itself, Malaysians are watching from the sidelines as the politicians from both sides show off their theatrics. First, the cat and mouse chase to Taiwan. Now, the crackdown on activists.

For one 'baseless rumour', the government sure are going to great lengths to thwart it. Even though this motive was denied, who are they to kid us? The desperation of the BN government is as vivid as an ink stain on a white shirt. It just can't be washed off with the water of denial. With the anticipated day looming, the BN should start to admit that that the threats are real and seriously begin their much talked about reform.

Yes, reform. The word that has been frequently used since BN suffered their most embarrassing defeat in the 8th March general election. Ironically, all their proposed efforts of reforming be it through more freedom of expression or transparency and rule of law have gone down the drain with the recent ISA blitz of prominent blogger-Raja Petra Kamarudin, MP-Teresa Kok and a reporter- Tan Hoon Cheng (which was released 20hrs after her arrest due to immense public pressure).

The excuse of using this draconian law in favour of our national security is preposterous. Expressing as such only strengthens the notion and giving the perception that even the government doesn’t have faith in our legal system. And in politics, perception is everything. If the government has no confidence in the judicial process, how could we, the less significant, place our confidence in the similar process?

Perhaps it is true; things will get a whole lot worse before it can get any better. To borrow a quote from the movie The Dark Night, “The night is darkest just before the dawn. And I promise you, the dawn is coming.” Whether the dawn is on the 16th or any other date is another matter. It’s coming.

P.S. My friends ask me if I support the crossovers. I can only answer, "Let them (politicians) do whatever they want. When they are really ready to govern, then you tell me." -NHF

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