These 10 were taken off actual police car videos around the country:
10. 'Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?'
9. 'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through.'
8. 'Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while.'
7. 'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.'
6. 'Can you run faster than 1200 ft/second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you.'
5. 'You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?'
4. 'Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket.'
3. 'The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?'
2. 'I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.'
1. 'You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't...Sign here.'
Click here for other Top Tens
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Flip Flop Plunder
When he said its another two years of reign
It drove into my spine a sharp piercing pain
But its sure worse for the idiot in-waiting
Not to mention Imelda the wife, the queen of shopping
Now that PKR and friends are deep into the game
Not witch hunting but digging their dirt all the same
With Altantuya, the jet and submarine scandals
Nothing the two could do with such a hefty load to handle
What about the punks in Umno who are out for the post
Or those in the know who want covered dirt exposed
Even Pak Lah the flip flop may want him chopped
Like a slow released time bomb waiting to be dropped
Would the nation again believe the same poor liwat script?
With the faggot P.A. getting his behind whipped?
For he could just kick Anwar's 'forefront'
If Anwar really did, and he did'nt really want
The stupid moron must really be a sick spent homo
For he could have advanced but Anwar said No
If it worked, he could've enjoyed a two-in-one hole
One for the script writer, and the other for his gayish soul
Hey is it really that easy to see that 'mighty menteri'?
Just pop in, knock the door for he is ever ready?
Or go to his villa, peep by the gate and you are welcome
As his palace is an open hose;not just for some
Come on dude we're not stupid nor dumb
Even a standard one kid wink an eye to his mom
Upon hearing the news he asked, do they think we are Forrest Gump?
To believe the plot from those unholy scums?
For as long as UMNO Malays keep bowing to any idiot with clout
Always say yes to the boss but at the back cursing him loud
Like the loony Malacca son of Rustam or the progeny of Toyo
That keep only the UMNO Malays dumber with their political yo yo
Whosoever voice out, they brand as power crazy opposition
Fearing their status quo lost, no more chance to rip the nation
For fifty long years they kept promising and pledging
Supposedly fighting for the poor but only their bellies kept bulging
Oh the number 1 was ever so humbly, honest and Godly at the start
Being the imam for prayers and reading religious poetry to win people's heart
As if those were not enough to impress, he boasted Mr Clean ad invented Hadari
But people got depressed as he got more dirty increasing wealth for his family
He cheated election, bribed voters and made the Police and Judiciary tools
To conveniently contrive, manipulate, and made us fools
Forgetting all the promises, pledges and pleading when he needed support
Turning deaf ears, and perennially day-sleep even in court
Enough is enough of UMNO's bulls and fakeries
It's high time we kick their behinds and draw the boundaries
Wipe off theses political maggots and let Malaysia be clean
The future of our children and motherland is not for spin
By Ibn Sheikh Kabeer
Related Posts:
Chopping down the cherry tree - M'sian political version
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It drove into my spine a sharp piercing pain
But its sure worse for the idiot in-waiting
Not to mention Imelda the wife, the queen of shopping
Now that PKR and friends are deep into the game
Not witch hunting but digging their dirt all the same
With Altantuya, the jet and submarine scandals
Nothing the two could do with such a hefty load to handle
What about the punks in Umno who are out for the post
Or those in the know who want covered dirt exposed
Even Pak Lah the flip flop may want him chopped
Like a slow released time bomb waiting to be dropped
Would the nation again believe the same poor liwat script?
With the faggot P.A. getting his behind whipped?
For he could just kick Anwar's 'forefront'
If Anwar really did, and he did'nt really want
The stupid moron must really be a sick spent homo
For he could have advanced but Anwar said No
If it worked, he could've enjoyed a two-in-one hole
One for the script writer, and the other for his gayish soul
Hey is it really that easy to see that 'mighty menteri'?
Just pop in, knock the door for he is ever ready?
Or go to his villa, peep by the gate and you are welcome
As his palace is an open hose;not just for some
Come on dude we're not stupid nor dumb
Even a standard one kid wink an eye to his mom
Upon hearing the news he asked, do they think we are Forrest Gump?
To believe the plot from those unholy scums?
For as long as UMNO Malays keep bowing to any idiot with clout
Always say yes to the boss but at the back cursing him loud
Like the loony Malacca son of Rustam or the progeny of Toyo
That keep only the UMNO Malays dumber with their political yo yo
Whosoever voice out, they brand as power crazy opposition
Fearing their status quo lost, no more chance to rip the nation
For fifty long years they kept promising and pledging
Supposedly fighting for the poor but only their bellies kept bulging
Oh the number 1 was ever so humbly, honest and Godly at the start
Being the imam for prayers and reading religious poetry to win people's heart
As if those were not enough to impress, he boasted Mr Clean ad invented Hadari
But people got depressed as he got more dirty increasing wealth for his family
He cheated election, bribed voters and made the Police and Judiciary tools
To conveniently contrive, manipulate, and made us fools
Forgetting all the promises, pledges and pleading when he needed support
Turning deaf ears, and perennially day-sleep even in court
Enough is enough of UMNO's bulls and fakeries
It's high time we kick their behinds and draw the boundaries
Wipe off theses political maggots and let Malaysia be clean
The future of our children and motherland is not for spin
By Ibn Sheikh Kabeer
Related Posts:
Chopping down the cherry tree - M'sian political version
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Your Parrot Is Dead Senor
At dawn the telephone rings, 'Hello, Senor Rod? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house.'
'Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?'
'Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Rod, that your parrot, he is dead'
'My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?'
'Si, Senor, that's the one.'
'Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?'
'From eating the rotten meat, Senor Rod.'
'Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?'
'Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse.'
'Dead horse? What dead horse?'
'The thoroughbred, Senor Rod.'
'My prize thoroughbred is dead?'
'Yes Senor Rod, he died from all that work pulling the water cart.'
'Are you insane?? What water cart?'
'The one we used to put out the fire, Senor.'
'Good Lord!! What fire are you talking about, man??'
'The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire.'
'What the hell?? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?? !!'
'Yes, Senor Rod.'
'But there's electricity at the house!! What was the candle for?'
'For the funeral, Senor Rod.'
'WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!'
'Your wife's, Senor Rod', she showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new TaylorMade Super Quad 460 golf club.'
SILENCE . . . . . . . . . . LONG SILENCE
'Ernesto, if you broke that driver, you're in deep shit!!'
'Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?'
'Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Rod, that your parrot, he is dead'
'My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?'
'Si, Senor, that's the one.'
'Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?'
'From eating the rotten meat, Senor Rod.'
'Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?'
'Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse.'
'Dead horse? What dead horse?'
'The thoroughbred, Senor Rod.'
'My prize thoroughbred is dead?'
'Yes Senor Rod, he died from all that work pulling the water cart.'
'Are you insane?? What water cart?'
'The one we used to put out the fire, Senor.'
'Good Lord!! What fire are you talking about, man??'
'The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire.'
'What the hell?? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?? !!'
'Yes, Senor Rod.'
'But there's electricity at the house!! What was the candle for?'
'For the funeral, Senor Rod.'
'WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!'
'Your wife's, Senor Rod', she showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new TaylorMade Super Quad 460 golf club.'
SILENCE . . . . . . . . . . LONG SILENCE
'Ernesto, if you broke that driver, you're in deep shit!!'
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Of Murder and Sodomy
If the accusation is in line with the government then it's fact. If it's not then it's just slander.
The recent developments of Malaysian politics just do not augur well for Najib and Anwar. Believe me, they won't hesitate to use any dirt that have acquired to their own benefits. Prior to this, The PM, Abdullah Badawi and the former PM, Dr. Mahathir Mohamed had brought their feud to the public. It started a few years after Abdullah succession, and is still ongoing reaching its climax when Dr. M decided to quit UMNO (baru).
With round 1 ending up in a draw, as neither is yet to quit, the nation's attention is now fixed on round round 2. The Deputy PM, Najb Abd Razak vs the former Deputy PM, Anwar Ibrahim. If this turns out to be another draw, then there better be a round 3 or how on earth are we going to determine whether the winner would be from team current or team former.
To those who are keeping scores, lets do a recap. The first strike was from Anwar's side as Raja Petra made a Statutory Declaration (SD) implicating Najib's wife, Rosmah Mansor at the crime scene with 2 other individuals. Then Najib countered it with allegations of sodomy against Anwar. While he denied in having any part in this, the subsequent revelation which reveals that he met the accuser before is enough proof that he is playing with the strings and calling the shots. Anwar strikes again with another SD but now it is from Razak Baginda's private investigator, P. Balasubramaniam which infers that Najib might have know Altantuya after all and more than in a friendly manner. The next point goes to Najib as Bala 'conveniently' retracted his SD made about Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak’s alleged involvement with Mongolian Altantuya Shaariibuu.
However, the last point might not go to Najib because Bar Council president Datuk Ambiga Sreenevasan. said that the statutory declaration made by private investigator P. Balasubramaniam linking Deputy Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Razak with Mongolian Altantuya Shaariibuu, cannot be withdrawn. It is also significant to note that some interested party had 'interfered' with the case causing Bala to come up with a second SD. He said he compelled to affirm the said(first) statutory declaration under duress. Nevertheless, it may be logical to say that his retraction was made under duress.
In response to this whole saga Najib confidently stated that Malaysian politics was degenerating to a level of being dirty with the opposition using slander and statutory declaration to achieve their political objectives. By saying this on the other hand affirms he is also playing dirty. Why wouldn't he? Did he not resort to slander to achieve his political objectives? In this case eliminating Anwar from the equation.
Before we go further in discussing whether did he or did he not let's define slander. Slander: Oral communication of false statements injurious to a person's reputation. The key word here is false. And how do we determine whether it is false or not? By conducting a fair trial of course. And then and only then would we really know if it's slander or just a fact. Until proven otherwise an accusation should be treated as that, there should be no instances of the Attorney General charging a accuser for false accusation just to cover the behind of someone. Unfortunately, our understanding about rumours and slander are different. If the accusation is in line with the government then it's fact. If it's not then it's just slander.
As before, Najib denied that he ever known or met Altantuya. In retrospect, guess what the 'wise' and 'sage'-like PM said when Anwar denied the sodomy allegation. "The accused will normally deny the allegation,". So it would be normal for Najib and Anwar to deny the allegations as they are the accused. Denials=Accused. Give two thumbs up for the sage for coming up with such remarkable concept.
It will be long before we see the end of this and it's not for us decide on their verdict. It incumbent on our judicial system to heave the burden of proving itself worthy. In the mean time, it would be a delight for the politicians to stop politicking and focus on us instead. A word of advice to politicians regarding statements "whatever you say, can and will be used against you in the court of public opinion". -NHF
Life is now more intersting than any soap opera.
The recent developments of Malaysian politics just do not augur well for Najib and Anwar. Believe me, they won't hesitate to use any dirt that have acquired to their own benefits. Prior to this, The PM, Abdullah Badawi and the former PM, Dr. Mahathir Mohamed had brought their feud to the public. It started a few years after Abdullah succession, and is still ongoing reaching its climax when Dr. M decided to quit UMNO (baru).
With round 1 ending up in a draw, as neither is yet to quit, the nation's attention is now fixed on round round 2. The Deputy PM, Najb Abd Razak vs the former Deputy PM, Anwar Ibrahim. If this turns out to be another draw, then there better be a round 3 or how on earth are we going to determine whether the winner would be from team current or team former.
To those who are keeping scores, lets do a recap. The first strike was from Anwar's side as Raja Petra made a Statutory Declaration (SD) implicating Najib's wife, Rosmah Mansor at the crime scene with 2 other individuals. Then Najib countered it with allegations of sodomy against Anwar. While he denied in having any part in this, the subsequent revelation which reveals that he met the accuser before is enough proof that he is playing with the strings and calling the shots. Anwar strikes again with another SD but now it is from Razak Baginda's private investigator, P. Balasubramaniam which infers that Najib might have know Altantuya after all and more than in a friendly manner. The next point goes to Najib as Bala 'conveniently' retracted his SD made about Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak’s alleged involvement with Mongolian Altantuya Shaariibuu.
However, the last point might not go to Najib because Bar Council president Datuk Ambiga Sreenevasan. said that the statutory declaration made by private investigator P. Balasubramaniam linking Deputy Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Razak with Mongolian Altantuya Shaariibuu, cannot be withdrawn. It is also significant to note that some interested party had 'interfered' with the case causing Bala to come up with a second SD. He said he compelled to affirm the said(first) statutory declaration under duress. Nevertheless, it may be logical to say that his retraction was made under duress.
In response to this whole saga Najib confidently stated that Malaysian politics was degenerating to a level of being dirty with the opposition using slander and statutory declaration to achieve their political objectives. By saying this on the other hand affirms he is also playing dirty. Why wouldn't he? Did he not resort to slander to achieve his political objectives? In this case eliminating Anwar from the equation.
Before we go further in discussing whether did he or did he not let's define slander. Slander: Oral communication of false statements injurious to a person's reputation. The key word here is false. And how do we determine whether it is false or not? By conducting a fair trial of course. And then and only then would we really know if it's slander or just a fact. Until proven otherwise an accusation should be treated as that, there should be no instances of the Attorney General charging a accuser for false accusation just to cover the behind of someone. Unfortunately, our understanding about rumours and slander are different. If the accusation is in line with the government then it's fact. If it's not then it's just slander.
As before, Najib denied that he ever known or met Altantuya. In retrospect, guess what the 'wise' and 'sage'-like PM said when Anwar denied the sodomy allegation. "The accused will normally deny the allegation,". So it would be normal for Najib and Anwar to deny the allegations as they are the accused. Denials=Accused. Give two thumbs up for the sage for coming up with such remarkable concept.
It will be long before we see the end of this and it's not for us decide on their verdict. It incumbent on our judicial system to heave the burden of proving itself worthy. In the mean time, it would be a delight for the politicians to stop politicking and focus on us instead. A word of advice to politicians regarding statements "whatever you say, can and will be used against you in the court of public opinion". -NHF
Life is now more intersting than any soap opera.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Laugh Out Loud
Life is getting tougher by the day wouldn't you say. Police reports lodged here and there seems to be cuing that Malaysia is no longer a safe haven to most of us. Considering the abundance of police reports lodged, there is a possibility that one of these days, we could also be reported for something no matter how trivial the grounds may be, say public disturbance from your newborn baby for instance. To discuss on this would be quite a nightmare as the probable outcome would be endless . From 'the widespread of public awareness that Malaysia is no longer safe' to 'the writer accused of disrupting peace by conveying slanders to his readers'.
For my sake and yours, no politics , no economics and no heavy stuff. I'm afraid if I keep going on and on about the same thing I might eventually suffer from repetitive strain injury. So, I'll write something different today. The thing about writing is, you will never have a peace of mind until you completely penned down everything that goes on in it. Your ideas will keep on playing inside your head like old reruns until you decide to regurgitate it. In my case, type it in my blog. Let's hope that this piece would not turnout into just mere babbles.
Naturally, this stressful lifestyle that we live in, referring to the above example, high cost of living and etc, is bound to take its toll. We could probably witness some serious cases of nervous breakdown in the near future. Obviously, straining ourselves just because everyone else is, isn't the best idea. Life shouldn't be taken too seriously. Laugh along the way. Find joy and comedy wherever you may seek as it would lighten even the heaviest burden.
Once in a while, Google and you tube some funny videos. Read up the comics section everyday. Enjoy the comedy. Be entertained by jokes online. Laughter is the best medicine and to treat the worst kinds of diseases today, you surely need the best medicine there is. So what if your boss is a total jerk? So what if you had a bad hair day? So what if you ............ As long as you have your Russel Peters video nothing could go wrong.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Top Ten : Incidents Related to Oil Price Hike
Regarding the recent 'unpopular' price hike, I would like to present to you Top Ten : Incidents Related to Oil Price Hike.
10. Bill Gates made an announcement that he would resign to venture in the oil industry.
9. An unemployed person holds a placard “Will work for gas”
8. Sometime in the future, “I want to purchase this house for 10 barrels of oil”
7. With every purchase of 10 litres of gas, you will get a free car.
6. A burglar enters the petrol kiosk while pointing a gun to the cashier “This is a robbery, quick, give me a full tank”
5. Police officer: Hmm…the burglar didn’t take anything except siphoning gas from the car.
4. Next to the pirated DVD’s there is a counter that says ‘Cheap oil by the litre’
3. At the bank, “I need a loan to buy some gas please”
2. Ah long (loan shark) comes to your doorstep, “Where is the 25 litres of petrol that you owe me, including interest, that’s about 125 litres”
1. After being asked to pullover Ali said to the policeman, “What if I give you half a tank and we assume that this never happened”
Check out other Top Ten here
10. Bill Gates made an announcement that he would resign to venture in the oil industry.
9. An unemployed person holds a placard “Will work for gas”
8. Sometime in the future, “I want to purchase this house for 10 barrels of oil”
7. With every purchase of 10 litres of gas, you will get a free car.
6. A burglar enters the petrol kiosk while pointing a gun to the cashier “This is a robbery, quick, give me a full tank”
5. Police officer: Hmm…the burglar didn’t take anything except siphoning gas from the car.
4. Next to the pirated DVD’s there is a counter that says ‘Cheap oil by the litre’
3. At the bank, “I need a loan to buy some gas please”
2. Ah long (loan shark) comes to your doorstep, “Where is the 25 litres of petrol that you owe me, including interest, that’s about 125 litres”
1. After being asked to pullover Ali said to the policeman, “What if I give you half a tank and we assume that this never happened”
Check out other Top Ten here
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Post Exam
Last Friday( Fri the 13th) marks the end of my A-Levels external exam. I had a lot of things to say and a lot of things to write but I had to focus on Econs, Maths and Accounts so this blog has been 'quiet' for some time now. But as I am now free as a bird, you can count on this blog to be operational as usual. You can anticipate my next post as soon as I finish my post exam celebration ... hahaha, toodles.
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