Top Ten: Signs You Are Approaching a By-election

10. Some groups take to the streets to protest against a concert by a foreign artist.

9. Certain group of supporters launch an event “Beat The Journalist”

8. Muslims spend a lot more time at the mosques, for the ceramah and free praying mat.

7. Every eligible voter is RM300 richer.

6. Bus tickets to the constituency are sold out.

5. Petrol price decreased a few days before.

4. The MB announces that there will be a public holiday for the state.

3. Somebody got sodomized.

2. No ‘real’ news in the newspaper.

1. Someone with the name ‘Arif Shah’ or ‘Anwar’ knocks on you front door.

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Unhappy ending

Two ghosts met and both chat about how they died.
1st ghost : How u died?

2nd ghost : I died of cold.

1st ghost : How does it feel when you're dying in cold?

2nd ghost : Actually, I was imprisoned in the refrigerator. Initially, I was shivering, then my whole body started to freeze, later I felt the whole world was dark and I died. Fortunately, I died with not much sufferings.

1st ghost : You're so pityful....

2nd ghost : How about you? How did u die?

1st ghost : I died from heart attack.

2nd ghost : I see, why did u have a heart attack?

1st ghost : Actually, I found out that my wife is having an affair with another man. One day, when I came back from work, saw a pair of man shoes outside my house. Then, I realized that the guy was in my house with my wife. When I rushed into the bedroom, my wife was alone. I must find where that bastard is hiding. So I searched the toilet, I ran downstairs, looked in the storeroom, but the bastard was not there. So, I ran upstairs and searched the wardrobe, but I found nothing. Because I was too tired of all that running,I got a heart attack and died.

2nd ghost : Why didn't you look for the bastard in the fridge? If you did, both of us would be alive now!!

Top Ten: Signs Pak Lah Has Too Much Time On His Hands

10. Spends most of the day looking for friends on Facebook.

9. Stops by Najib's office every five minutes to see if he's doing his work.

8. He goes from home to home campaigning in Permatang Pauh.

7. Sits in front of Sri Perdana and waves at cars.

6. The man has the whole set of 'FRIENDS' in his office.

5. Gives the Putrajaya lake boat tour.

4. Earlier today, he washed and waxed Prime Minister's personal jet.

3. Writes an article for Malaysiakini and Malaysia Today.

2. Takes part in the Beijing Olympics.

1. Finally catching up on unread intelligence memos.

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Roadblocks Anyone?

The area that was cordoned off was so big that if there were any mamak stalls nearby, they could even have their meals there complete with tables and umbrellas.

Forget about blogs for now. Roadblocks are the new 'in' thing. If we used to ask why blog? Now we would be asking why roadblock? When we're done with that question, a few other passes our mind. Do we have excessive roads that we need a few of them blocked? By blocking a few roads, will it reduce costs in line with the current cost cutting stance of the government? Why build the road in the first place if you want to block it?

After asking these questions, one thing is for sure. If the government thinks that blogs are a nuisance then it is fair to say that the people, however, think that roadblocks are a bigger nuisance. The people blogs to irritate the government. The government block roads to irritate the people. Fair enough. Why compare these two things; blogs and (road)blocks? Well, because they sound almost the same. That's all.

Now that we have established that roadblocks are indeed undesirable, why is it still here? They are occasionally put along the roads heading towards the city centre on certain days and once in a while could even span to the whole country. It's like the authorities talking among themselves "Hey, I just got a raise. Let's have mass roadblocks to commemorate this lucky day". Maybe we could also include this in our 'Tahun Melawat Malaysia' campaign, "Experience traffic jam like never before, only in Malaysia".

Obviously they are not smart enough to do that. They usually justify this ineffective and inefficient exercise of channelling resources which is most of them are taxpayers' money as a necessary evil. No matter how inconvenient it may be, it is done for the sake of this glorious nation's security and prosperity and......... (a few other reasons to make us feel good). The most recent excuse is 'to avoid any untoward incidents'. Let me tell you something, the roadblocks are the untoward incidents.

Fine, if our security and the peace of the country is their argument, lets examine the effectiveness of this method. Roadblocks, as we frequently watch on television might have its advantages if we are searching for a suspect of crime or terrorist like osama laden, mas selamat, corrupted officials trying to leave the country and people smuggling oil to the neighbouring countries. However, in any case of a demonstration, is it logical to construct a roadblock(other than the venue of the demo) especially on the stretch of an already busy highway?

Do they expect that they could identify every protester and stop them by the roadside? Based on my few experiences of participating in this every-other-day event, the police would just make the otherwise 3 lane highway into just one lane or two. Next they would stand there until their time is up and then pack up to resume their real jobs which is preventing crime. The area that was cordoned off was so big that if there were any mamak stalls nearby, they could even have their meals there complete with tables and umbrellas.

Just imagine, while we are stuck in the barely crawling traffic jam caused by the roadblock, we heard a policeman shouting from a distance "Mamak, roti telur satu.", "Siaaap"-NHF

Chopping down the cherry tree - M'sian political version

By Vijay Kumar Murugavell

I remember a story told to me by my late father regarding telling the truth and facing the consequences. It has been a story told by many a father to his offspring.I am of the conviction that the truth is not always a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ and many of us miss the point when it comes to taking decisive action. Legend has it that George Washington, America's first president, chopped down a cherry tree in his youth. The story goes that George gives the tree a good swing and chops it down with an axe. His father sees the damaged tree and asks his son if he knows who did the deed. George is quoted bravely admitting the truth:‘I can't tell a lie, Pa; you know I can't tell a lie. I did cut it with my axe.’

Below is a satire of how some Malaysian politicians circa 2008 may have reacted to the question:

Abdullah Ahmad Badawi - ‘I did not cut down the tree , I was just taking a nap underneath it.’

Najib Razak - ‘I swear that I have never MET that tree.’

Hishamuddin Hussein Onn- ‘...but I only own a keris ,not axe, how to cut down the tree?’

Dr Mahathir Mohamd - ‘Apa nama cherry tree, yes, I chopped it down because, I don't like the idea of Pak lah sleeping under it.’

Chua Soi Lek - ‘Yes it was me, I resign as caretaker of this orchard.’

VK Lingam - ‘It could be me, it might have been me but I don't think its me.’

Anwar Ibrahim - ‘I did NOT do it, and I am not giving any DNA sample for you to plant on the axe handle.’

Mohd Khir Toyo - ‘The new state government should just trim the grass and not waste time asking who cut the tree.’

Ahmad Said (Terengganu MB) - ‘I chopped it because cherry trees are more expensive to maintain than durian trees.’

Azalina Othman - ‘The cherry tree is not included under my tourism MOU so I cut it down and besides there were unauthorised signboards put up around the tree.’

Shabery Cheek - ‘I challenge you to a debate on tree cutting.’

S Samy Velu - ‘I chopped it because Hindraf members were using it as a meeting point.

Wira Ali Rustam - ‘We have planted durian trees for 50 years and we will plant them for another 50 years, we do not need cheery trees, apple trees , pear trees and all these other foreign trees.’

Rais Yatim - ‘You must see the bigger picture, Ahmad said cherry trees are expensive to maintain, Ali Rustam said that are against our national identity and I needed to test my new axe, so you see, it is a WIN-WIN situation all around.’

Sharir Samad - ‘I cut the tree because we could no longer afford to subsidise it.’

Karpal Singh - ‘The bigfoot creature did it.’

Bung Mokhtar - ‘The big monkey did it’

Pandikar Amin Mulia - ‘There is nothing in the standing orders against chopping cherry treesKinabatangan duduk, Bukit Gelugor duduk .

Khairy Jamaluddin - I did not do it, neither did the Mat Rempits. By the way, what's a cherry tree?’

Lim Kit Siang - ‘Cherry tree also you don't know, you are an insult to Oxford!’

Nazri Abdul Aziz - ‘Racist, racist, racist! When we cut down durian trees nobody made a fuss. Now...’

Malaysian Citizens - ‘Oh for heavens sake! Somebody plant something before we all starve to death!’

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